You may be surprised to find out that you have a lot of personal power hidden in the cracks, left unused in the spaces between things. In fact, all power resides in the space separating thought, and emotion, and in the gap between emotion and action.
For example, music isn’t in the notes you hear, but in the space between the notes. The difference between a clod and a genius on the piano is the difference in their ability to manipulate the subtle spaces between the tones.
A six year old kid plays the piano in a steady monotone—there is no rhythm and the notes come at expected intervals. She could be playing Chopin but you wouldn’t know it. The maestro at 60 years old creates art in the silence. There is a syncopation to her playing, tones are coming in and out of existence, she depresses the pedals at just the right time, creates longing in the dramatic pauses, and then fulfills you with rushes of harmony. It’s the same piece but the genius makes exquisite use of the space between the tones and this creates all the emotions the composer intended—and more.
You have the power to make an art of your Life by realizing that there is a space between things, a space that—if you become aware of—can literally change your Life and everything in it. There is a space between your habitual emotions and your true being. There is a space between your sexual energy and your actions. There is a space between your…well, this space exists between many things, but I have direct experience with these two so I’ll use them as an example.
Using Space to Control Your Habitual Emotions
We are all emotionally driven beings. We give importance to the things in our lives that create positive emotions, and typically run away from those that do the opposite. However, we’re also creatures of habit and subject to emotions that no longer serve us. When you become aware of the space between a rising emotion and your true being, then you find the power to choose how you want to react (to what gave rise to the emotion).
In a relationship, I may get into an argument with my girlfriend. In this state she is very emotional and may be expressing anger, resentment, frustration, etc. I have a habitual reaction to these emotions, a habit that I probably had prior to our relationship. Let’s say that my habitual emotion is defensiveness. If I’m not aware of the space between my rising emotion of defense, and my true being, then we engage in an argument that is not healthy or productive.
But let’s say that I’ve been practicing my awareness, and I engage in this argument from that state. When she begins to express her anger, I can become aware of my rising emotion before it settles. In this moment I can choose how I want to respond. This way, I’m being pro-active rather than re-active—and this is where your power lies. Choice.
I can choose to let her vent, then tease her in a playful way to show her that I’m not going to engage in that way. She may not like it at first, but say she laughs and then insists that she’s serious. I’ve at least broken through her anger and now open up a forum for us to talk without yelling at each other. I can understand her because I’ve broken through her emotion by being playful, and now we’re having a real conversation about the real issue instead of being defensive and pointing fingers.
I’m not saying that this is the best way to respond to all angry boyfriends or girlfriends. But sometimes their anger is just a cover for something underlying that may not be as serious as they’re putting on, and it’s important to get to that real issue, rather than address the anger.
Transmuting Your Sexual Energy by Increasing Spatial Awareness
One of the most misunderstood spaces is the one between your aroused sexual energy and almost anything else that happens after it arises. (At least in the male perspective: everything from thought to erection to explosion.)
Sexual energy is one of our greatest gifts, but it’s so powerful that we often lose ourselves in it, when all the while we have the ability to control and direct it for tremendous gain. When you become aware of the space between the aroused energy and your unlimited array of choice, then you become all-powerful.
Everything is sequential; cause and effect. Something triggers something that triggers something that triggers something else. For example, you see a beautiful person, they arouse sexual thoughts, you become filled with sexual energy, this energy triggers arousal in one or five places on your body :), you become inspired to act on these feelings, they respond with equal attraction, you ‘go back to my place’, you…(get the picture).
If you weren’t paying attention, all of these individual moments could blend so seamlessly that it felt as if you had no choice. “It just happened.” But awareness of the space between the individual events is where you can exhibit your power.
When you feel the sexual energy swell up within you, notice the space between the energy and your subsequent actions. By witnessing the space around your sexual energy, you realize that you are not your sexual energy. This allows you to choose how you want to use it. Will you let it settle and become aroused? Will you dismiss it and let it dissipate? Will you engage it but direct it towards something creative, like a poem or a song or a sculpture? You have the choice, but only when you detach yourself from it and witness the space between you and it.
How to Become Aware of the Spaces
There are a few essential practices that will help you become more aware of the space between things. This is not an all encompassing list but just a few powerful tools that I’ve picked up from reading, speaking with others, and of course, actual experience.
1. Meditation: The alpha and omega of mind training. When you meditate, you’re experiencing silence and a withdrawal from the senses, which creates a heightened sense of perception, awareness, and clarity throughout your waking day. When you have clarity you then notice the little things, the subtle gaps and spaces between all things. I cannot stress the importance of meditation enough. (Stress! Stress!)
2. Involved Detachment: This means that you are acting but not attached to the outcome of your actions. When you have no urge to be “right” or some overwhelming need to accomplish “X by this specific date” then you are carefree and open to infinite possibilities. It allows you to see things you wouldn’t have seen if you were still attached to a fixed idea or goal or person. Attachment keeps you deeply rooted in what you’re getting out of something, which dulls your perception of the thing, and inhibits you from witnessing the space around it.
Deepak Chopra says, “Relinquish your attachment…, step into the unknown, and you will step into the field of infinite possibilities…This means that in every moment of your life you will have excitement, adventure, and mystery.”
3. True Listening: You can’t truly listen to someone or something if you’re always in your head. True listening involves getting out of your head and getting into the moment. Sit in the gap between what you’re hearing and what comes next. If you’re having a conversation with someone, don’t plan out how and when you’re going to get your word in. That’s not listening, that’s called being an ass. Sit in the gap and truly listen and let your words flow spontaneously from that space.
Try listening to classical music. It’s great practice for learning how to notice the subtlety of sound, and finding joy in the space between tones. (If I may: Erik Satie, J.S. Bach, Philip Glass, and of course Mozart, are excellent choices.)
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A friend of mine used to always stress about letting things fall between the cracks. Now I say: let them fall. Perhaps you’ll go in there looking for them and find that something much more Powerful lay waiting.